30 Ways To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity

  1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
  2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
  3. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
  4. “Hi-lite” your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.
  5. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in “Palmolive.”
  6. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  7. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
  8. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
  9. Determine how many cups of coffee is “too many.”
  10. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  11. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  12. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
  13. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  14. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep ’em tuned up.”
  15. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think?”
  16. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  17. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  18. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
  19. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  20. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
  21. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  22. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
    1. type only in lowercase
    2. Dont use any punctuation either
  24. Repeat the following conversation a few times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
  25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  26. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
  27. Ask people what gender they are.
  28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  29. Sit in the parking lot at lunch time pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down
  30. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles”.

One Response to “30 Ways To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity”

  1. Great web page, i love it!

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